This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
