Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
