Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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