The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
