I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
