Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
