So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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