It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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