You work out of a Hotel?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
