What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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