wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
soo... how was my night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
