mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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