i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
