nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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