So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
