Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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