Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
