ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
