Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
