yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
