I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
