Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
