he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
