my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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