i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I could fuck to npr.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
