I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
