I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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