My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
