I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
