I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
