I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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