You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
