so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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