In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
