dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
