Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I understand Curling. That high.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
All the doctor said was why
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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