You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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