I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
