Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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