So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
