community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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