You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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