Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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