she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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