the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
