Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
