I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
