I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
