$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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