we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
