she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
